Wednesday 5 November 2014

What makes beautiful marriages?

We are nearing our tenth anniversary and this post is about what makes marriages beautiful. Ten years is something to celebrate for certain. Here I share some things about marriage that I’ve learned over the years.

Over the years I’ve learned what’s important, and what to let go. I am happy that after 10 years we’re still in love with one another, and  love our life together.

What made me write this post is not our anniversary, but recently I read about a couple with 4 children getting divorced and fighting for the children. The points that surprised me was the boy was now just 28 and wife 26. Both of them aren't properly educated even. It was love at first sight and a marriage when both were too young. And now they are fighting, what sin did the poor children did to suffer? How could they consider marriage as a silly thing?

Whether it be boy or girl, they should have the minimum level of education so that they can live independent and earn. Then only they should think of marriage.They should be independent and well equipped to face the world before tying the knot. Also they should have the mental maturity to choose their life partner. Nothing should be compelled. Yes family can choose the person but it is for them to tell their opinion and decide.

We take all effort to find the right partner for us. Family background, education, financial position, horoscope and star match. Criteria is long but the most important thing is to be the BEST partner.

Marriage is a thousand little things. It needs trust, friendship, understanding, appreciation, sharing responsibilities and faith.

If a relation is based on trust, the partners are ready to do all sacrifices to make it happy.

Treasure your life partner. All successful relations have admiration and mutual respect. The couples enjoy warm thoughts and feelings for each other and take full effort to ensure their partner feels loved and cared for.

Being the perfect partner means see the best, allow the other to grow and change. I have seen many old couples having healthier and stronger relationship. It was not because they have not much difference of opinion or arguments but because they tried to rectify the issues and knew forget and forgive.There will be imperfections, there will be incompatibities but the ability to deal with that is the secret.The key is to see your partner as a mirror and learn from the reflection how you can be a better person.

Children learn the rules of marriage from the parents.

Marriage is not something to be taken into granted. In ten years, we have learned that. We’ve had to work at it sometimes. We’ve made compromises. We’ve had arguments and fights. But we’ve also recommitted to loving each other for the sake of ourselves

We learnt that there is no use in arguing  on silly things. Now when one of us bring up an issue, the other person takes it seriously.

Be considerate and communicate properly.

Be honest and make all decisions in life together.

While no relationship is perfect, our life together has opened my heart and mind to a whole new level of happiness, forgiveness, and true love. We are both the same people on the inside. Two souls finding our way through this life making full  effort to be good people.

Ego, selfishness,immaturity, inability to take decisions all are reasons for unhappy marriages.
Forgive almost everything as quickly as you can. Holding a grudge doesn’t solve your problem, it makes it worse. Before fighting for the rights, cross check whether you are doing the responsibilities.

There is no right or wrong way to fix a relationship. Find your own way that works. But recognize when it's not working and be honest when it needs fixing. Those who quit even without making proper effort doesnt recognize the beauty in marriages.

The most common reasons couples give for long-term marital success are commitment and companionship.

Celebrate your marriage every day. The key is to keep it fresh -- make your marriage feel new and exciting

Be happy for yourself. Only happy people can be happy partner.Does he/she bring out the best in you or the worst in you? Does he/she somehow inspire you to be a better person?

Look beyond the imperfections and be the best partner. A relationship can grow if it allow giving spaces, give and take policy, respect and emotional support.

Concluding with this quote by Khalil Gibran

Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

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