Tuesday 2 December 2014

True love - love with all imperfections

True love - love with all imperfections

Dev & Neha were waiting outside the staffroom with Anu. Anu was busy describing them about  the library, canteen, playground etc.  They were wondering why her class teacher wanted to meet both of them. Anu was well in the studies and she had re-joined the school just this year. Few months later Miss.Preetha came and invited them to her place.

"Do you remember me?",She asked. Though Anu had told them that it was the same teacher who taught her during her fifth standard is the class teacher now, they both couldn't recollect the face.

Okay, I called you because I wanted to know something from you. I don't know whether you remember or not, till Class 5 Anu was my pet student. We used to travel in the same bus. She was close to me because of the little caring ways. It was after the first semester in Class 5, that we all noticed the changes in Anu. She became so depressed, unattentive in class, scored lower grades. Till then she was an all-rounder and a winner whether it is be in studies or in co-curricular activities. And after 2-3 months she took TC and left the school. Later someone told me that you relocated to some place. Though she left the school, on every Teachers day, she used to send me wishes. And it is after six years that I see her. And I was surprised to see the change. She is now the pet of each and every teacher here. When I asked her on this, she told me
it is a story worth hearing and will be better to hear that from my parents. So please tell me what actually happened.

Dev answered, "Anu is right Ma'm. Actually we both were the reasons for her issues. Our marriage was in constant trouble and arguments, frictions, discussion, conflicts and we were on the verge of a divorce then. We both felt we married the wrong person. It was not hate but we didn't know how to get along with each other. We wanted to escape from  the pain and frustration and thought divorce must be the answer. We didn't do that for the sake of Anu. We both loved her so much and she was the connecting factor. Anu started having many behavioral problems and developed problems with anger, disobedience etc.We got TC, Neha shifted to her native place along with Anu. My relatives compelled me for a re-marriage, we went for several counseling sessions and all failed. We lived seperate for 5 years."

"Were the issues that much serious",  Preetha was surprised to hear all these.

"Not all M'am. All the issues were minor. We actually had everything in life and may be because of that we failed to enjoy life. It was my mistake. I had a feeling that I am not getting all the respect and love that I deserve. Even when Anu was small, I wanted to complete my studies, go for a job. Dev was too busy in his work, I had many expectations but most were not realistic but I failed to share it all to him. My ego didn't allow me to be open up. What ever he did appeared a mistake to me then. Dev was much more patient than me but I was thinking completely negative and felt I have failed in life". Neha paused.

"No, it was not all her fault. I took many things lightly. I underestimated her a lot. Whatever she told, I felt was foolish.
I didn't handle the situation properly. There was a big difference in our personalities. I was grown up in a large family with and got lot of love and attention, while her parents were both busy and got little time to attend to her. May be she expected a lot from her husband.

 It was the separation period that brought us close together. Though we were physically apart, we both
were able to analyze ourselves and our faults became more clear to us. I started loving her with all the imperfections. I accepted her as she is with all her strengths and weaknesses.", Dev said.

The separation period brought us closer to one another. We missed both of us terribly. We learnt a lot of lessons from all these experiences.

We want to fix people because we love them. But sometimes, we want to fix our loved ones because of comparisons.

The moment you accept the other person and become grateful, a great miracle happens, the person learns to accept and everything heals. Positive changes begin.

We learnt to hold the relationship in high regard despite its imperfections, and to communicate effectively.

True Love is un-conditional.

Give more than you take in your relationship.

Learning to love yourself is the first step for being able to love others. The more you learn to be kind and responsible with yourself,  the more loving you will be with other

In true love, we are ready to sacrifice our ego and  selfishness.We can't force someone to love you; all you can do is become someone who can be loved. The only thing you can do is to love and appreciate the person by creating space for the other person to fix himself.

Today divorces happen because no one is serious in maintaining the love effects. The word 'DIVORCE' which was not known to our grandparents and not even common among our parents, has now been common in 80% marriages. Egos, lack of care, critizing, unrealistic expectation all adds up to it. If both partner does  frequent self-analysis and concentrates on correcting his/her own imperfections , then transformation comes and marriage will surely be a beautiful journey. When frustrations happens just relax relax and just rewind the good old days.

And so Anu is now happy because she is having a loving and caring family. We now takes all efforts to be a role model for our child and gives us what all she missed in life because of us. Neha completed her Post Graduation and is now doing a part time job.And we now know happy families make happy kids.

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