Tuesday 30 September 2014

Quality of life is a direct reflection of the company you keep

Quality of life is a direct reflection of the company you keep

Be grateful if you have someone to love

I believe that the quality of your life is closely tied to the quality of the relationships we hold.

Life is nothing without friendships and relations.

Recently I came across a girl who was finding it hard to get along with people. The real problem was she had no true friend and moreover she was the only daughter. It was as if she did not have a real guide in life.

There are varying degrees of relations. We all have friends in different stages of our life, school mates, hostel mates, college mates, work mates, neighbors and then now friends with social networking sites.

After our marriage, I  had been to a different town with different culture and language. I was totally scared and worried. Luckily we got a family friend there. I still remember the warmth of their love. They tried every bit to make me comfortable and I should say that they learnt my language to make our communication easier. We celebrated both of our festivals together. It was altogether a different experience for both our families. The mutual exchange of the knowledge, culture, the kitchen dishes everything was fun.

When we shifted to another place, we got another friend. The neighbor sister/friend gave me many valuable lessons. I learnt a lot the way she maintains her small yet beautiful home, the way she carefully manages  the household expenses by buying the buying and  stocking items for future use etc. Years have passed, but we make it sure to give a call and wish in festivals or special days.

I was fortunate enough to have some cousins, we all were almost same aged and so it was another beautiful era to remember. We all are married now and settled in different places. But the connection is still alive and in distress we share our support.

After our college life, I had lost contact with almost all or friends. I was shocked to hear about the suicide of one of our friends husband. I didn't get the courage to call her then. Now through WhatsApp we all are again connected and I feel happy to see that friend also again. She has now come back to her normal life and I know friends played an important role in it.

Since I belong to a large family, there were lot of people. And whenever I made any mistake there was someone to advice and help me correct.

And in office, our organization had bad times also. Since we saw the good times and the bad times together, there is a deep bondage between all our friends. We all are now shifted to different jobs and places but still the bond is fresh..

All these relations were nice because it was devoid of judgements/assumptions/comparisons.

With the changing time the Social media helps people reconnect the dots in life. We are happy to see our friends whom we had lost contact though fb. It is a new platform for communication that expands we connect with people. Social media
has increased the quantity of friends but reduced the quality in most cases. Sometimes people use these media to express their frustrations and emotions. We sometimes keep a check on the relation because of things posted or said online and if it feels it is adding negativity to your friendship. It helps reducing the gaps, parents now are able to keep in contact with their children who are staying away, and couples who are away can stay connected and be a part of each others' lives. There are some friends on fb on whose opions I mostly rely on before deciding to watch a film. Be wise in using all the social media and sure it helps you to grow.

Through blogging I have met many friends, learnt many things like gardening, cooking, different opinions from others made me also think. We grow and become better each day. The persons whom we have never even met influences us through their writing.

  • The only way to have a friend is to be one
  • Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down
  • Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile
  • Love is the greatest refreshment in life


1. Focus on the good in people

2. Be less judgmental and make no assumptions

I have observed that People who are less contended in life have smaller social networks than others and find it  difficult to manage difficult situations in life.

Quality of life is a direct reflection of the company you keep.  If you are not granted the opportunity to be surrounded by people of positivity,  make sufficient changes. Wrong relationships can adversely affect your present and distort your future. Our close connections affect our way of thinking, our decisions.

Monday 29 September 2014

Raise moral responsible children

Raise moral responsible children

This man whom I knew for long was appreciated and loved by all because of his caring and gentle behavior. I was shocked one day to hear that one of his daughters settled abroad has decided to take her mom along with her leaving the dad alone here. Why didn't she thought of the loneliness her dad would face? There were some sort of difference of opinions between her parents. Instead of clearing all those, why did she took such an action. And I tried to recollect any event where I could notice her mom participating whole-heartedly and happily, but I couldn't. She was much self centered and egoistic. The children were provided with all facilities and education. But they failed to learn the basic lesson to love their father.

Children learn from the surrounding, and primarily from people from family only. They keep observing how parents behave. Earlier when there was joint family systems they saw their parents respecting the old people in the family and they saw they were the decision makers. They learnt lessons on care and share things. In the nuclear families there is no one else to guide the children than their parents and they become self centered. Earlier there were grand parents to tell moral lessons and tales to children and they learn their first chapters of love, patience, kindness and relationships. The International Day of Older Persons is observed on October 1. We need to appreciate the elderly people for their actions and be considerate towards them.

Our present society  is in desperate need of good parents who can  inspire and motivate their children to pursue their dreams We can contribute to the society a lot by raising children with the following virtues. We can teach them by being a good example. Actions  speak louder than words. Be a role model for your children  and help them to be better human beings..

Gift them with

1. Self Confidence and courage to face the challenges in life

2. Freedom to think and act - Give them the freedom to think and take decisions.

3. Gratitude & love for all - Gratitude sure makes the world a better place

4. Honesty - Children should be taught that truthfulness is critical in all of our interactions with other people

5. Humility - They need to assess their strengths and weaknesses, should be ready to accept their mistakes.

6. COMPASSION--Show mercy and kindness towards other people

7. Teach them to respect the elders - Present society is losing the respect to old people. We can see old age homes flourishing everywhere. Actually older people are treasure house of knowledge and wisdom. By getting disconnected with them we are missing opportunities to learn.

5. Teach your child to think morally.

If a child is self-centered, materialistic and lacks empathy, she will often think of her own convenience first. Instill empathy in her, and then she will make choices that make her a better person. It’s our duty to ensure that the elderly live happily and safely. Let us not forget that it’s the duty of kids to look after their old parents.

Friday 26 September 2014

Never satisfied syndrome in Marriages

Never satisfied syndrome in Marriages

"I wanted to talk  to someone, I actually don't know what to do to make her happy. I'm doing what all I can. Since it is a love marriage I can't blame anybody but me. Anjali is now frustrated that she is jobless. How can I get her a job in a day?
She wakes up at 8. My parents are actually very much innocent and supportive. They don't want her to do all the household jobs alone. It is she who does it all by herself and then crying her life is becoming waste in doing all these jobs alone. I can't even sleep properly after a day's work in office. Her reasons are daily new and she sleeps nicely after the fight. Is me only who has lost the sleep. Is it right to for her to speak in such language before my parents? And everything is OK if I have done anything wrong or haven't fulfilled any of her wish. You please try to advise her, I don't know how things will finally end. Her new demand is now Divorce. It has only been 3 months after our marriage."

This is a part of a conversation I heard today.

From the conversation it seemed that it was a love marriage and that too after a long wait period. And it seemed that the boy was ready to do whatever she wished. Then what was the reason. The girl obviously was not happy in the relation. For some, marriage is another word for frustration. For others it is the bedrock of strength and support they build the rest of their life. How many of us consider a happy marriage is one of life’s great treasures.

Happiness is the gap between our expectations in life and reality. The larger the gap becomes the more unhappy we are.

So what on our part can we do to reduce that gap

1. Either try to fulfill all our expectations
2. Try to understand the reality and let go of the unrealistic expectations. Leave them to GOD or fate.

I wanted to advice the girl to

1. Accept reality and be contended. If she really needed a job, try it for herself and

2. There's no better time to be happy and contented than right now. She is missing the many beautiful moments of her life.

3. Treasure what you have and feel grateful if you achieve more. They seemed to be married after some hurdles. So she should be happied that she has achived what she wished.

4. Be aware of the negative thoughts. Our lives are filled with frustration because anytime we are able to secure one thing, it seems that we need another.

Look for the positives in Marriage

Marriage is something for which we make so much of preparations beforehand. Some says it is like a lottery. After so much celebrations and all, these days we see most of the relations become worse day by day.

 There are many who struggle in marriage, if we are honest with ourselves, part of our problem is our attitude. We see our spouses and only see what’s wrong. We focus on the negatives and that slowly erodes respect in our marriage. When respect goes, so goes the beauty of the relation.

There are some basic attribute that wife expects from a hubby:

1.CARE – She must always feel that she is loved more than every one in this world by you(especially than your  blood relations even mom).  Women are very much possessive in nature and once they like you they can never hate you ( also the vice versa).  Its always a concept of making them important in every part of our life after marriage.

2.ADAPT - As we expect them to adapt to us, so can they expect us to adapt to them , They have a different world of emotions, fantasies, hobbies and interests. We have to be pretty smart to understand the same and do the required to them.

3.DECISION MAKING - Every women expects the leader of the family to be a good decision maker. The most important aspect of leading a family is making decisions when it matters. Consult with your  better half on taking decisions because it gives them a feeling of accountability of what we decide and do.

4.ACCOUNTABILITY - We have to be answerable to our decisions.  We have to be accountable to our partner first( 100 percent). You have to take the burden of your family on your shoulders first and then only all other priorities next.

5.PLANNING- The basic step before any thing that we do is planning, them implementation and then rectifying what ever is required. When ever you plan make sure that u do it collectively (only) with your partner. This makes a feeling of bondage within you and her.

6.PROACTIVE - This is one of the most important attribute that we have to  inculcate. Its comes only out of experience. Predictions of things can happen only when you can feel what your better half can .

7. DOMINANCE - Gone are the days of domination . Now its more of sharing , adjusting and sacrificing to lead a healthy family life.

8.CHANGE - Bringing in a change for good is always appreciated. Its a mutual sacrifice of EGO’S AND feeling of togetherness that binds a family together.

Attributes a husband expects from wife

1. Give them proper care

2. Respect his feelings

3. Understand his work pressures and be supportive

4. Communicate properly

5. Be flexible - You may be having a different way of thinking, food habits etc. Instead of trying to stick on your habits, try and experience new changes.

If is of not use in quarreling in the name of families. Maintain healthy relation and keep limits/boundaries wherever needed. Don't hold on grudges for too long.

Understand that Human being is the only creation that does not have a manual when it some to this earth.  We have to learn every thing each and every day. Mistakes may happen. To forgive and forget is the secret of a good relation.

Wednesday 24 September 2014

Every little drop of water counts

We celebrate world environment days. We see celebrities/ministers giving speeches on saving/loving earth. Students are given assignments to write on. But how many of us practise it? The health of our environment depends on reducing waste and
conserving resources.

Some tips that I have found are

1. Use resources wisely. While I had been in a different place where there is scarcity of water, I knew the value of water then. I could see people waiting in queues for water. They will collect water in vessels and had to depend on this for a week or so. Even with that little water available I was wondered to see beautiful flowers in the compounds. People there watered the plants with the water from kitchen
after washing the utensils.

2. Switch off lights/fans after use. If your house has windows, make proper use of the  natural light. Earlier days the very first thing we do was opening windows in the morning and feel the fresh air. Sunlight is a source of Vitamin D

3. Reduce usage of Plastic. These days most of the super markets are charging on the plastic bags. Carry an friendly bag and use it every time you go for shopping.

4. Reduce waste. I used to wait for the corporation people to collect the waste form my home and pay them. This indeed needed much effort since they come weekly once only. Someone suggested why do you need to depend on them. Yes we had little space in our compound. Proper separation of the waste is all that is needed. One of our neighbours had a cow, so collected and gave  all the left over banana peels, rice water etc to them. Left over of vegetables, onions etc dumped near the kitchen garden. Collected all the plastic covers and made it a practice to fire it later. The unwanted plastic bottles and all given away with the old newspapers. Instead of throwing out all that kitchen waste and other biodegradable waste from your house, use that in your garden.

5. Love nature by planting trees. You can start with planting curry leaf plants, green chillies,turmeric  etc. Depending on the space you have you can plant trees of your choice.

6. Reduce wastage of food. There are lot of people who still try it hard to find food even for a day. Use your fridge and make maximum use of the left-overs.

7. Keep your surroundings clean.

Each one of us can do our little in the best way we can. Give comments if you have any other ways to point out.

Monday 22 September 2014

Give the ME time and Focus yourself

Give the ME time and Focus yourself

Who told only elder people can give advice? I had a talk with my younger brother yesterday. I had a introspection and made the decision to follow his advice. Yeah there are many things that I forgot knowingly/unknowingly these days. And these are the lessons learnt.

1. Take risks. Be bold and brave. Don't become stagnant in life. Make mistakes but learn from it and grow. Examine yourself at regular intervals.It helps you to do responsibilities with greater commitment and enjoyment

2. Be prepared. Anticipate your own needs.Plan properly and  create solutions in advance. I have decided to build good financial habit and have decided to save 10% of my earnings per month.

3. Our stress mainly is caused by living in the pain of the past or the fear of the future. Many often we forget that Life happens in the present moment. Make effort to make each moment useful.

4. Appreciate the people in your life.

5.Be open  and be ready to change. I have met many people in life. They follow their own rigid rules in life and are unhappy.

6. Look back, be proud of what you have achieved and make proper plans for the future.

7. Decide to spend quality time with yourself. Just do something that you like to do like reading, writing, gardening, meditation and enjoy your own company

I liked the ME time. It gave me  an opportunity to refocus and recharge.

Concluding with these quotes

Happiness isn’t about getting what you want all the time, it’s about loving what you have

Just remember there is someone out there that is more than happy with less than what you have.

Love what you have. Need what you want. Accept what you receive. Give what you can. Always remember, what goes around, comes around

Thursday 18 September 2014

Quality relationships between Parent and Children

Quality relationships between Parent and Children

Parenting is a beautiful responsibility. The day you are blessed with a baby changes your life.
 Following are some tips to make this task more meaningful.

1. Allow them to grow themselves, let them be best version of themselves. Let them be strong and allow them to do something that you did not even have the guts.

2. Parents should be role models. Rather than telling him/her to learn from historical leaders, why can't parents just be living examples for them.

3. Provide them a loving atmosphere to live. Don't be overprotective and do not over pamper them. It will do only more harm to them in the future. Let them live without prejudices, fear and hatred.

4. Let them experience everything in life and learn. Is is not fair to impose  ideas, belief etc.  Let them fly on their own wings.

5. Do not solve all the problem s for them -  When your children faces an issue/problem, no need to solve. Let them think on their own, find the solution and thus be more responsible.

6. Allow them to make mistakes. It is the only way they can learn more.

7. Be patient and listen to them

Concluding with the beautiful poem

On Children by Kahlil Gibran

 Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

 You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Duty of children to Parents

Even after Parents give so much of love, care and attention, we hear a lot about elderly people being sent to old age homes increasing day by day. After retirements, parents will feel a sort of insecurity. Children should be able to understand their feelings. Almost all parents pray that they should not be a burden to children. Children should never forget the fact that all their  achievements in life are the result of the efforts of their parents.

1. Give respect for the feelings of the parents

2. They have sacrificed many of their feelings for children. So allow them to have a relaxed life

3. Listen to their advices. They are much more experienced than the children.

Handle criticism postively

Love criticism too - It will help you to grow

We hear Criticism in many ways,  husband criticizes  wife for the dish made, a teacher criticizes  student for their score, manager criticizing his employee for coming late, parents criticizing children for their careless attitude etc etc.

Criticism is something which nobody likes. I am no exception. The moment I hear someone criticizing me, I become upset and my mind starts finding explanations to prove myself correct. My sister, my cousins, relatives, manager many of them take their rights to criticize. Once we learn to take criticism  in the right sense , we can get benefited in many ways.

Through this we can identify weaknesses and areas of improvement.

There are certain things we can do to handle criticism effectively

1. Identity the true intention behind it. Focus on what is being criticized.

2. Criticism help us evaluate ourselves and  think. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn.

3. Evaluate the person criticizing you. They may be your genuine well wisher and trying to help you rectify your faults.

4. It helps you to be humble and  keeps you grounded, and makes you  more open to learn from others. We all learn from mistakes and even if someone point out our mistakes, be ready to rectify it and it will bring good results.

Wednesday 17 September 2014

Lessons learnt - Transform our self

Lessons learnt - Transform our self

I was away from my work, my busy life. Got pretty much of exercise time for my mind.

1. I used to avoid some people with whom I feel there was difference of opinion. But then I realized there was some more qualities in them that I didn't notice. There were lessons to learn from them. Why cant we concentrate on the virtues rather than their fault. Each and every person has some unique ability. So the decision was just to learn what ever I can from the other person and ignore all of the other bad traits. Stop pointing fingers and just keep track of the negative emotions running across our mind. It is during our difficult times that we realize the value of people in our life. However busy we are we should find time to stay connected to people.

2. Decide to keep away from negative talks. Equally important is to be cautious in what you think and talk.

3. You have been allotted different responsibilities in your life. Keep improving and do all the responsibility properly.

4. Rather than watching TV, you can improve your knowledge by reading. I watched a video in which someone was telling how much time we use productively all the day. We are stressed up with the worries of past and anxieties of future. I analysed myself, yes there is plenty much that I can and should do. Use every opportunity to learn.

5. Ready to admit mistakes and forgive. This is not an easy job as said. We all make mistakes in life. Admit your mistakes if you regret for it, take responsibility for that and take remedies. Just look at the situation from the other person's perspective and think how he or she had felt.

As said " One of the keys to happiness is bad memory", Accept apologies whole-heartedly. No need to keep your life complicated by holding on grudges. Take choices that are healthy for your mind.