Friday 26 September 2014

Never satisfied syndrome in Marriages

Never satisfied syndrome in Marriages

"I wanted to talk  to someone, I actually don't know what to do to make her happy. I'm doing what all I can. Since it is a love marriage I can't blame anybody but me. Anjali is now frustrated that she is jobless. How can I get her a job in a day?
She wakes up at 8. My parents are actually very much innocent and supportive. They don't want her to do all the household jobs alone. It is she who does it all by herself and then crying her life is becoming waste in doing all these jobs alone. I can't even sleep properly after a day's work in office. Her reasons are daily new and she sleeps nicely after the fight. Is me only who has lost the sleep. Is it right to for her to speak in such language before my parents? And everything is OK if I have done anything wrong or haven't fulfilled any of her wish. You please try to advise her, I don't know how things will finally end. Her new demand is now Divorce. It has only been 3 months after our marriage."

This is a part of a conversation I heard today.

From the conversation it seemed that it was a love marriage and that too after a long wait period. And it seemed that the boy was ready to do whatever she wished. Then what was the reason. The girl obviously was not happy in the relation. For some, marriage is another word for frustration. For others it is the bedrock of strength and support they build the rest of their life. How many of us consider a happy marriage is one of life’s great treasures.

Happiness is the gap between our expectations in life and reality. The larger the gap becomes the more unhappy we are.

So what on our part can we do to reduce that gap

1. Either try to fulfill all our expectations
2. Try to understand the reality and let go of the unrealistic expectations. Leave them to GOD or fate.

I wanted to advice the girl to

1. Accept reality and be contended. If she really needed a job, try it for herself and

2. There's no better time to be happy and contented than right now. She is missing the many beautiful moments of her life.

3. Treasure what you have and feel grateful if you achieve more. They seemed to be married after some hurdles. So she should be happied that she has achived what she wished.

4. Be aware of the negative thoughts. Our lives are filled with frustration because anytime we are able to secure one thing, it seems that we need another.

Look for the positives in Marriage

Marriage is something for which we make so much of preparations beforehand. Some says it is like a lottery. After so much celebrations and all, these days we see most of the relations become worse day by day.

 There are many who struggle in marriage, if we are honest with ourselves, part of our problem is our attitude. We see our spouses and only see what’s wrong. We focus on the negatives and that slowly erodes respect in our marriage. When respect goes, so goes the beauty of the relation.

There are some basic attribute that wife expects from a hubby:

1.CARE – She must always feel that she is loved more than every one in this world by you(especially than your  blood relations even mom).  Women are very much possessive in nature and once they like you they can never hate you ( also the vice versa).  Its always a concept of making them important in every part of our life after marriage.

2.ADAPT - As we expect them to adapt to us, so can they expect us to adapt to them , They have a different world of emotions, fantasies, hobbies and interests. We have to be pretty smart to understand the same and do the required to them.

3.DECISION MAKING - Every women expects the leader of the family to be a good decision maker. The most important aspect of leading a family is making decisions when it matters. Consult with your  better half on taking decisions because it gives them a feeling of accountability of what we decide and do.

4.ACCOUNTABILITY - We have to be answerable to our decisions.  We have to be accountable to our partner first( 100 percent). You have to take the burden of your family on your shoulders first and then only all other priorities next.

5.PLANNING- The basic step before any thing that we do is planning, them implementation and then rectifying what ever is required. When ever you plan make sure that u do it collectively (only) with your partner. This makes a feeling of bondage within you and her.

6.PROACTIVE - This is one of the most important attribute that we have to  inculcate. Its comes only out of experience. Predictions of things can happen only when you can feel what your better half can .

7. DOMINANCE - Gone are the days of domination . Now its more of sharing , adjusting and sacrificing to lead a healthy family life.

8.CHANGE - Bringing in a change for good is always appreciated. Its a mutual sacrifice of EGO’S AND feeling of togetherness that binds a family together.

Attributes a husband expects from wife

1. Give them proper care

2. Respect his feelings

3. Understand his work pressures and be supportive

4. Communicate properly

5. Be flexible - You may be having a different way of thinking, food habits etc. Instead of trying to stick on your habits, try and experience new changes.

If is of not use in quarreling in the name of families. Maintain healthy relation and keep limits/boundaries wherever needed. Don't hold on grudges for too long.

Understand that Human being is the only creation that does not have a manual when it some to this earth.  We have to learn every thing each and every day. Mistakes may happen. To forgive and forget is the secret of a good relation.


  1. Nice post on marriage. will try to follow your suggestions ;-)

  2. People should give others what they want. After sometime of wanting heaven and universe, reality will finally dawn on them.